Parents of Teens & Young Adults

Is it strange that my 22-year-old daughter doesn't seem interested in dating? She's not been on a real date. Just a prom date with a foreign exchange student. Anyway, she has been texting a guy in another state. His mom and I have become friends and discuss this quite a bit. They have been texting each other for a month now. He lives several states away. And he'd like to meet her this summer. I have no problem with that as I would be going along. She has no friends. And when she has tried to make friends when she was younger, she was usually either ignored or teased. Back to the guy. She now can't decide if she wants to go see him, if she even wants to text him. His mom has said that she has become very cold to him. I'm afraid she's just too comfortable at home with her family and really doesn't want to venture out. Help me find a way to help her. Please!!!

My 18-year-old son just told his mother and me that he is gay. This doesn't make any sense. He's great at sports, always has girls chasing after him, and is not at all effeminate. His mum and I think this is just a phase, or a cry for help as he might not be adapting that well to living at university. Should we contact the university and demand he see their psychologists? What can we do to weave him out of this idea?

I have tried to speak to my 22-year-old son about making him understand that his girlfriend isn't good for him and it would be best to let her go. He did break up with her but got back together with her in a couple of days. She has been rude to all of us even though we have helped her with so many things. She doesn't care about anyone but herself. I feel she is also using him and makes up stories of anxiety to stay here for a few days so she doesn't need to spend money on eating at home, utilities and saving her money for tattoos and whatever she would rather spend her money on. People at work are about to let her go as well because of her rude attitude, and she tells my son things to make him feel sorry for her, which is the main reason why he is with her because she has no one else. She has been nothing but a bad influence on my son since the very beginning.

Never did I think any of my kids would be with a person like this or be so easy influenced. He is too caring and she sees that and at a moment she has him running to her side when she puts on a fake crying spell and has even said she wanted to kill herself and is he going to leave her too. If she happens to go out with us she is loud and embarrassing and has no manners. Family is very important to me so when we go out we should all be together. But she has him sitting elsewhere or next to us sometimes but he won't talk to us since she is too involved in keeping him busy. She lives very poorly and she thinks my son is her way out of being poor. She wants people to feel sorry for her, even about him being a terrible boyfriend because he broke up with her. I can't believe he took her back after all she continues to do. I literally don't know what to do anymore. I feel she isn't going to let him succeed in life since it doesn't look like she can do much with hers, having no support from parents and living off a fast food job. I have mentioned to my son there is always a line never to cross such as her being disrespectful to siblings and parents for no reason, and she has crossed that line many times.

She claims she is rude because she is bipolar (self-diagnosed). And she has told me she doesn't talk to me if I speak to her because she has social anxiety. When she walks into a store, she approaches strangers and won't stop talking and is louder than anyone there. My son currently has no car of his own right now so we drive him and his girlfriend around but I am putting my foot down in not doing anything for her any longer. I need help in helping my son see that although he may love her, she is not good for him and that he is being manipulated by her. — Miranda

I discovered last night that my 16-year-old daughter went party-hopping when she was supposed to be at a friend's house. She left her phone at her friend's house so that if I checked on her I'd think she was there. This is particularly dangerous for my daughter because she has Type 1 diabetes and, in fact, last night (the night after she was out partying) she had a seizure. I suspect she was drinking and that this contributed to her seizure. My husband and I have tried to maintain a friendly relationship with her and respect her needs for independence, while keeping her safe—and now this. We feel we must ground her and are bracing for her wrath. Is this the right course? Should we do more?

I am a mom to two adult children and we all live together along with my husband. My youngest daughter is turning 20 next week and she wants to go out for a family dinner. When my husband tried to book a time at a restaurant of her choice, she got upset because she wanted the dinner on her birthday and they had a big argument and he called her selfish and rude and it didn't go well. My daughter is upset because she thinks he hates her. They have had a bad relationship for a couple of years now. I tried to get them to talk about it and move forward but they won't. My husband is angry and my daughter is hurt and I am stuck in the middle. What do I do? They won't speak to each other and I don't want my daughter to be sad on her birthday but my husband doesn't care. I am so upset. I don't want to choose sides and I don't think I should have to.

My 14-year-old daughter, "Molly" is pretty anxious and has a tough time making friends, so she's really close to the friends she does have. One of her friends, "Matt," has been battling cancer for the past few months. He's basically stopped school this year and will continue from where he left off last year, but he was a grade ahead of Molly so starting next year they'll both be sophomores. My wife and I are very proud of how considerate and compassionate Molly has been towards Matt, however I think it's gotten a bit extreme. Molly's grades are slipping dramatically because she's spending certain class periods on her phone the whole time texting Matt, or she isn't getting any schoolwork done because she's spending afternoons with her friends in the hospital visiting Matt, or evenings FaceTiming him. I want to limit Molly's visits to just once a week so that she'll have time to focus on her schoolwork, but my wife thinks that's cruel. We've talked to Molly about keeping her grades up but she just dismisses us. How can we support Molly through supporting her friend while keeping her grades up?

My 15-year-old goddaughter I've helped raise since birth, moved in with me 10 months ago because her birth mother is an alcoholic and is verbally abusive, and well, here we are 10 months later. My goddaughter has been, to me, the perfect child. loving, empathetic, inquisitive, and easy going until recently. It took her months to make friends here where we live and took her time to make friends in school. And she finally made neighborhood friends during the summer. All male friends. My question is this: Our relationship has been strained by her constant push to bring her guy friends into my house when I am not home. I've told her multiple times I do not allow strangers in my home and have offered her the patio to bring her friends to, but only when I am home. She refused. And since making these new neighborhood friends, she has snuck out the windows, cursed at me (which she never did before) and now tells me she wants to move back with her Mom. She says she'd rather take the verbal abuse than deal with "my ridiculous rules." She also has a girl best friend of 2 years who is always here when arguments and turmoil arise. I feel this girl is a bad influence as she encourages my daughter to have the guys in my house when I am gone. That girl is also a better liar than my goddaughter is. My goddaughter goes to see a therapist weekly and there she has (reluctantly) promised she will not bring the boys into my house while I work, but she just did it again. My neighbor told me plus her best friend posted recent pics of the boy lying down on my sofa. How can I stop my child from bringing neighborhood boys in my house and from chronically lying about it? One of the boys has already cursed at me from a distance. Help, this is consuming me.

I come from a religious family, many of whom are critical and judgmental of those who do not share the same beliefs or live their lives in the same manner. I was raised using guilt, shame, and emotional and verbal abuse. I do not raise my children this way. I allow them to make their choices as they see fit, so long as they do not hurt themselves or anyone else.

My 13-year-old daughter loves horror movies, watching shows like Stranger Things, has taken an interest in true crime stories, and frequently listens to true crime podcasts. It's not my cup of tea but she enjoys it. While visiting family over the holidays, my aunt made several comments to her regarding her choices. She would wait until I was out of the room or whisper things to her such as, "Bad goes in, bad comes out," or "I pray you don't turn out like that," (referring to the murderer in a true crime podcast) and making comments about her choosing not to attend church with the family. I did not find out she'd said these things until we were at the airport ready to return home. The next day, my aunt text messaged my daughter asking if she forgot about her since we returned home. My daughter was fed up at this point and asked me to say something to her. I planned to talk to her once we returned to our home state, but since my daughter asked, I sent a message letting her know that I'm sure she wasn't intending to, but asking my daughter if she forgot about her only makes her feel like she did something wrong. My aunt did not reply to me, but replied to my daughter and said she was "just being playful." My mom has made comments to me about being worried because of what my daughter is listening to and watching but never to my daughter.

Am I wrong in allowing her to listen/watch what she chooses? I was shielded from so much growing up that it had such a negative effect on me, so I do not choose censorship for my kids. My aunt has been similarly passive aggressive with me for years, and I never stopped it. Now, she is utilizing guilt and shame with my child, who feels she's "bad" now and it really hurt her feelings. Should I try to talk to her, or shut her off from access to my kids? Anytime in the past that I've said something to her, she plays victim and it's incredibly frustrating.

Within the last two months, my daughter has become very stubborn and refuses to do anything anyone asks of her. She's in 8th grade, and there've been no recent major life changes. She tells me everything about her life, including things at school, and has been a pretty responsible rule-following kid—up until now. She's started doing stuff like refusing to wear a winter jacket, preferring a light fall windbreaker though she takes the school bus and has many moments throughout the day where she needs to be outside for up to 5 minutes—and it's getting down to the mid-30s! Although she wears eyeglasses with a high prescription and really can't see a few inches without them, she takes her glasses off when she gets to school and keeps them off. And then she complains when her grades, which she really cares about, start slipping. Those examples are the ones I'm most concerned about because of their impact on her health, though there are others.

I've told her so many times that she needs to wear her winter jacket and wear her glasses all day. She'll complain about being cold or having a headache when she comes home from school, and then look at me and give me a mischievous smile. She complains about how a particular friend of hers, who she has confided having a crush on, will express his concerns about her behavior to her. She knows what she's doing is harmful and will not stop. I know in the grand scheme of things, this is a very mild teenage rebellion, and I am glad she isn't out doing drugs or that sort of thing. But given that just a few months ago she was a mature, rule-following kid, this is worrying me. How do I get her to stop making choices that only injure herself.

My 17-year-old son has a weakness in English class. He isn't sure how to improve his marks, and he finds it is a very abstract subject for his brain. Often he comes home and says: "Why do I need to learn this?" Do you have any advice on how to comfort and look after my son in this hard time? — Zofia

How do I know if my 15-year-old son is depressed? He is a very quiet person and he doesn't show emotion much either.

My 13-year-old son has told me that he feels really old and out of touch with his peers. He doesn't listen to modern music, preferring jazz and classical music. He wears glasses mostly for reading, though he's had them since he was a toddler. He's small for his age, and has a history of back issues that keep him from being physically active. He has Type 1 Diabetes, and was mortified when his step-grandmother, who has Type 2 Diabetes, tried to use that as a point of bonding with him! Many of his peers are devoted to TikTok, while he likes YouTube channels that appear to target an audience of 20-somethings. His favorite video games are slow-paced simulation/building games. He loves reading, and during the winter he can be found curled-up in front of the heater with an Agatha Christie novel in hand. My son has a hard time connecting with others his age and yet he has three close friends, one of whom is his twin sister. The other two kids are, like him, relatively shy boys who don't like sports. The three are very close, and can often be found playing board games together.

On the other hand, while my daughter shares some of his traits, like not caring for TikTok, she is otherwise very much in tune with her classmates. She is quite bubbly and has a lot of friends that she's always trying to introduce to him. However, none of them seem to click with my son—but most of them are girls. I think he's at an age/phase where any girl except for his sister is intimidating, and he probably has a bit of a crush on all of them.

My son has expressed that he often feels lonely, especially now, over the summer since his close friends are not around when he is. Both of my children have been at several sleepaway camps and day camps this summer. My daughter is able to make friends easily, while my son can't. His sister is a good friend to him, and tries to make time for him, but she has a bunch of other friends at these camps, which puts his focus on feeling lonely. How can I get my son to be more comfortable making friends, or to get more comfortable with the idea that not everyone needs a ton of friends to be happy?